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Committed to celibacy? Make sure your partner is on the
same page with you
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Article By Leah Daniels // Abstinence
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Posted February 22, 2017
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Photo: GETTY/TAXI/TIM ROBERTS
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Some women assume a man who wants to be sexually active while dating won’t get romantically
involved with a celibate woman because, you know, he’s got needs.
Not true.
Many women mistakenly believe this myth and date a man only committed to one thing: getting
them to go back on their vow of celibacy.
Far too many fall victim to this scheme. Don’t be one of them.
There is this guy featured on The T.D. Jakes Show Thursday, Feb. 23. He told Bishop Jakes he
would date a celibate woman in the hopes of getting her to turn away from abstinence.
This controversial conversation happened when the pastor of the Potter’s House of Dallas
opened up a segment of his show and gave audience members the floor to share their strong
opinions and debate about celibacy. The young man, before revealing his sneaky maneuvering
with celibate women, started out by saying couples need to know in advance whether or not they
have sexual chemistry.
This is one of the oldest arguments for premarital sex in the book—one that Dianna Hobbs
discredits very well in her best-selling book, The New A-List: Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow
Fonder.
“I just feel like you need to know your other person inside and out,” he told Bishop.
Jakes, 59, who enjoys having provocative conversations with his audience, which he calls the
“The Village,” responded, “So I would assume that you would be one of those guys that would not
date a woman if she said that she was going to practice celibacy.”
The young man replied, “I definitely would date her, but I would take that on as a challenge.”
The audience laughed, but if you think about it, that’s no laughing matter. If a Christian woman
developed feelings for this man, without knowing he wanted to reverse her decision to honor
what the Bible prescribes, this would spell big trouble for her celibacy goals.
At the very least it would hinder her and make it very difficult to abstain, or, if she's not strong,
even derail her plans completely.
Imagine doing all you can to avoid temptation, with a mate doing all he can to tempt you. That
dynamic wouldn’t work. In fact, it is precisely why the word of God says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV,
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in
common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
How can you expect to honor God if you’re in love with a man whose primary aim is to dishonor
God between the sheets?
“I think he’s got dating mixed up with a dating game challenge,” Bishop Jakes responded.
Amen to that.
So then, how can you avoid falling for a man who pretends to respect your convictions with the
sole purpose of pushing you to go against them?
Glad you asked. Here are 3 ways:
1. Don’t forget to seek the Lord always. That’s pretty straightforward. Ask God who is a
suitable mate before you go rushing into a situation. Ask the Lord what He wants you to
do, which is something lots of people avoid doing when they have their own mind made up
about what they desire. But your unchecked desires and failure to both seek and submit to
the Lord will get you in trouble. Proverbs 3:6 NIV is the key: “Seek his will in all you do, and
he will show you which path to take.”
2. Check your partner’s fruit. Luke 6:44-45 in the Message Bible says this: “You don’t
get wormy apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples off a diseased tree. The health of the
apple tells the health of the tree… Your true being brims over into true words and deeds.”
In other words, how you behave and what you do—which the Bible classifies as fruit—tells
who you really are. So, pay attention to whether or not your partner really wants to be
celibate. If they are trying to tempt you, entice you to compromise, or make you feel like it’s
okay to ignore the Bible, and give into the lust of the flesh, their fruit is rotten. Run! If they
are the real deal, they will not only respect you, but they will respect their own relationship
with God enough to wait.
3. Cut Ties. Just in case you somehow link up with an impostor who is really trying to be
an undercover celibacy-vow-breaker, the moment you find out they are disingenuous, cut
ties. No matter how sweet, handsome or charming they may be, anyone who tries to get in
between that relationship you have built with the Lord has to go. You can’t keep hanging
onto a bad apple out of the bunch that doesn’t respect your abstinence values and goals.
Remember what 1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV says: “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins
good morals.’” No matter how well-intentioned you are, if you hang out with a compromiser
long enough, you’ll start compromising.
Do you need some help in your relationship? Struggling with celibacy? You don't have to go
through it alone. Let Empowering Everyday Women's prayer team intercede for you. Submit your
request here.
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